Plans by fire service bosses to send out engines only to the most serious incidents are criticised by staff.

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Hmmm... decisions made are on what basis and by whom? A list of questions, starting with having to deal with automated phone answering and your homeline is not a touchtone or you have to choose from various options, go into a queue to be told you are number <666> in the queue and that your call will be answered as soon as possible before getting to a person who is not living in the UK.

1. What is your name? - Can you spell it?
2. Where do you live. - Timbucktoo? Can you describe to us how to find this address?
3. What is your National Insurance number?
4. How do you know there is a fire?
5. How big is this fire?
6. Have you tried using the garden hose or a chain gang with buckets of water?
7. How many people in the house?
8. Is there any free parking in your street?......

At this point you interrupt the person on the other end of the phone and tell them not to bother as the neighbour's house has burnt out and is now a pile of embers and the family are being cared for by the neighbours who managed to rescue them.